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 Post Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2007 11:13 am 
"Headaches are like resolutions. You forget them as soon as they stop hurting" - Marion Crane - Psycho


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 Post Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:44 pm 
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"I don't experiment with drugs. I do full-on research."

- Gallagher


24 years later and still funny as f**k.

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 Post Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 11:06 pm 
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Senior Looney
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Location: La-la land
One 'o mine:

"I think that the bravest people are cowards, because they have the courage to stand up and run in the opposite direction."

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I'm not dead yet!


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 Post Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 3:09 pm 
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Amazing Looney
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Location: Minneapolis...home of the Lutheran Polka Eucharist. Lift your accordian unto the Lord.
"You can lead an old dog to a dead horse, but you can't make him eat it."
- Peter "Tork" Torkelson

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 Post Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 9:56 pm 
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Location: The Merry Old Land Of Oz (Australia That Is)
If somethings hard to do its not worth doing.

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"People are not wearing enough hats!"

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 Post Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 10:04 am 
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Location: Off with his head, man, off with his head...
All following quotes are from Terry Prathett

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.

Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove.

That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and Americans. A European says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with me?" An American says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?"

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.

Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.

In the begining there was nothing, and it exploded.

Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day. But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.

Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate...

An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

It could not be happening because this sort of thing did not happen. Any contradictory evidence could be safely ignored.

It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

Sham Harga had run a succesful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease, and burnt crunchy bits.

[The pamphlet] was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.

Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed any more.

What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?"

Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.

He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!

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 Post Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 4:05 pm 
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You never know what you want until it finds you.

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 Post Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 11:45 am 
"There's a good reason why spanking on public transport is frowned upon" :)


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 Post Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 8:16 pm 
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Location: Off with his head, man, off with his head...
Sir Humprey: The Letters JB in capitals are one of the highest Commonwealth honours.
Jim: What do they stand for?
Sir Humprey: Jailed by the British. The order includes Gandhi, Nkrumah, Makarios, Ben Gurion, Kenyatta, Nheru, Mugabe and all world leaders. Many of them ex students of Oxford..."

Bernard: Well take the Foreign Office, first you get the CMG then the KCMG then the GCMG. The Commander of the Order of Saint Michael and Saint George, Knight Commander of Saint Michael and Saint George, Knight Grand Cross of Saint Michael and Saint George. Of course in the Service CMG stands for call me God and KCMG for kindly call me God.
Jim: What does GCMG stand for?
Bernard: God calls me God.

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 Post Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 2:22 pm 
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Looney Elite

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"I'm going to go microwave a bagel and have sex with it."

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 Post Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 2:44 pm 
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Meh
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Location: in an english country garden.
...are you? :shock:

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 Post Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 7:40 pm 
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Location: Off with his head, man, off with his head...
- Stephen. It's been 15 hours. We are gonna grow old and die in here. Stephen?
Stephen, there's a Martian war machine parked outside.
They'd like to have a word with you about the common cold.
- Tell them to make an appointment.

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