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 Post Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 6:04 pm 
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Meh
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You: Look, I didn't expect a spanish inquisition.
Spanish Inquisitor: NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
You: Oh god.
Spanish Inquisitor: BLASPHEMY! Tie *you* to the COMFY chair.
You: Oh no, not the comfy chair.
Spanish Inquisitor: SILENCE KNAVE!...bring him a dressing gown, a newspaper, a comfy cushion and a smoking pipe.
You: Noooo please, you can't do this.
Spanish Inquisitor: SILENCE!
You: *blubber*
Spanish Inquisitor: Bring in the tealady.
Tealady: eh'up me ducks. ooo wants a nice hot cuppa then?
Spanish Inquisitor: Serve him the tea, and bring in the TV.
You: Arrrrrrgh. This is monstrous, MONSTROUS!
Spanish Inquisitor: SSSSSSILENCE!
You: Ooooh, look we're on the telly..Hello Mum!
Spanish Inquisitor: What? What is this?

*suddenly the scenery unfolds around them into a glittery chatshow setting*
*applause*

Presenter: ....Thank you thank you. and welcome to The Inquisition Show, where we lure our guests on by elaborate surprise hoaxes. my name is Ted Cheese and our first special surprise guest tonight is the high priest himself..Mr Spanish Inquisitor! Give him a warm welcome everybody.
*applause*
Spanish Inquisitor: Oh my. Oh I do feel silly now :oops:

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 Post Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 2:47 am 
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Amazing Looney
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Location: Minneapolis...home of the Lutheran Polka Eucharist. Lift your accordian unto the Lord.
-an important message from The Pope-

Pope: Hello, believers and heretics alike. I just wanted it known that the Roman Catholic Church and the Vatican in no way condones the usage of inquisitions of any form, especially Spanish ones. Spain is our friend and I feel it is my calling to renounce making fun of them at my expense. If I wanted this dark part of our history rehashed infinitum in jest, I'd do it myself. I'm a pretty humourous Pope. Really. Ask any Bishop. I slayed them at our last secret meeting and would love to share, yet these matters are of a private nature and would cause irrepairable damage to the modern world. There was one bit about God and cell phones...sorry. I promised not to "go there". Just lay off. What's so funny about comfy chairs, anyway? I don't get it.
PAX,
Pope

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 Post Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 3:42 am 
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Puzzled Nun: 'ere i was just starting to enjoy The Inquisition Show. Why'd 'e 'ave to cut in mid-transmission and spoil it for?...I knew it, I bloody did. I knew I should've voted Protestant in the last pope elections. I'll give 'im bloody heretic.

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 Post Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 4:02 am 
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Amazing Looney
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Location: Minneapolis...home of the Lutheran Polka Eucharist. Lift your accordian unto the Lord.
Announcer: The BBC, in a secret agreement with The Vatican, has cancelled "The Inquisition Show". Wait. Did I just say secret? I meant, private. No. Not private. The Vatican had little...nothing to do with it. This was all the BBC's idea. Nothing to do with The Pope or secrets or anything like that. The show was dropped, in spite of it's high ratings. Because of it's high ratings! Look! It's gone! Just get used to it! Oh God, I need a f*cking drink! I don't care that we're live! Stop glaring at me! I'll bash your...


...Please, Stand By...

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 Post Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 6:42 am 
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*click*

Store Salesman: and as you can see sir, unlike our other TV sets this model comes with a free Off button which is built into this hand-remote control device which is attached to the TV via this 2m length Cable.
Customer: Does it come with an aerial?
Store Salesman: Yes sir as you can see from behind there is one already plugged in.
Customer: But, that's just a twisted metal wire coat hanger jammed into the socket.
Store Saleman: Marvelous reception though.
Customer: ...I'll take it.

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 Post Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 1:35 pm 
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Amazing Looney
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Location: Minneapolis...home of the Lutheran Polka Eucharist. Lift your accordian unto the Lord.
Coat Hanger Sales Rep: Finally! Some recognition! All those years weren't wasted after all! We've arrived!
Tin Foil Rep: What about us, eh? We've contributed to tv reception for decades!
Sgt. Major: Stop that and get back to work! Bloody shirkers!
Both: Sorry.

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 Post Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 5:36 pm 
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Amazing Looney
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Location: Minneapolis...home of the Lutheran Polka Eucharist. Lift your accordian unto the Lord.
...and, on BBCKids, "Norton, the bacon eating, bi-curious hedgehog...

...Please, Stand By...

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 Post Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 6:43 pm 
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*Intro Theme*
Here's Norton, the semi bi cu-ri-ous,
Here's Norton, he's happy in Uranus,
Here's Norton, Welcome to The Norton Show.


*Narrator*
One day, Norton was gayfully skipping along amongst the pansies on his way through Curious Wood to meet his bestest friend, Breezy Bear...

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 Post Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 10:00 pm 
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Amazing Looney
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Location: Minneapolis...home of the Lutheran Polka Eucharist. Lift your accordian unto the Lord.
...who'd recently been incarcerated for unspeakable acts against young squirrels...

BBC39: We'd like to apologize for that brief extract from "The Norton Show", but we dare not. So,.....let's move straight on to, "The Enit And Vic Show"!*

*[This very special episode was recorded live before a taped audience]

Enit: Vic? We don't talk anymore.
Vic:
Enit: Oow! Silent treatment, eh?
Vic:
Enit: I'll pull your bloody head off, you...oh. Did that already. Why didn't you tell me?!
Vic:
Enit: Oh, yeah. Right. Forgot. Sorry.

BBC39: Next week! The re-attachment!
*click*

Vic: Bloody reruns.

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 Post Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 1:51 am 
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Meh
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Enit:
Vic: I said bloody reruns.
Enit:
Vic: ...Oh haha, don't you start.
Enit:
Vic: Enit?
Enit:
Vic: Yes well play dead if you want, i suppose you need the practice. I'm off to work, the toilets and crockery at the womens institute don't clean themselves you know. toodle-pip.
*leaves.....*
Enit:

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 Post Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 4:39 am 
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Amazing Looney
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Location: Minneapolis...home of the Lutheran Polka Eucharist. Lift your accordian unto the Lord.
Announcer:


Michael: Stop that!

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 Post Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:34 pm 
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Amazing Looney
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Location: Minneapolis...home of the Lutheran Polka Eucharist. Lift your accordian unto the Lord.
...meanwhile, Devlin McLumpbuttocks, a rare coin collecter and even more rare attendee to The (almost) Right Reverand Bigglesnob's, "Church Of The Bleedin' 'eart"; located very near Shrewsbury (as if that would matter) and on top of the, now flattened, flat of...you guessed it...
Enit and Vic, who gave Devlin his first and only liscence to kill both of them, all over again, while...

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