tonight, i watched A Fish Called Wanda. for the first time. yeah, i know, slowpoke. well guess what? i once saw a slowpoke image that was 9 megapixels. you heard me right. 9 f**king megapixels of slow, pink awesome. I DIGRESS.
wanda. sh*t was hilarious. i don't know why i waited so long to see it. rare has it been of late that i have laughed so damn hard. actually fell off my couch at one scene. great stuff.
this was followed up by the end of Star Wars: Episode I on tv. but did i just sit and watch? no. i ranted. ranted at such things as the GIANT HOLE IN THE FLOOR. I MEAN WHO f**king PUTS THOSE THERE? i can just see it:
So, we've gone over everything except this one detail. In the center of this area here, that one on the chart, there's going to be this large hole. Really quite deep, too. Hell, you can't even tell where the bottom is. And it's going to be open. No rail or anything. But do be careful, we wouldn't want you falling in. After all, that's why we're putting it there.
WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE.
and the reactor. THE MAIN REACTOR. IN THE MIDDLE OF A HANGER BAY. it's just the perfect place for something so critical, right? around a bunch of weapons, and explosives, and where some dumbass pilot could f**king crash a ship into it. because the reactor's just that damn important. and you know what happened? some stupid kid, hell knows why HE had a f**king rocket ship, i mean i've always wanted one but do i get one? noooo, they give it to this f**king kid, maybe just because he's a movie star or the chosen one or some sh*t. this kid SHOOTS THE REACTOR. ON ACCIDENT. f**k, do they even care who they give ships to anymore?
and then! GIANT SALAMANDERS!
what? no, not in Star Wars, you idiot. i changed the channel. where have you been?
but seriously, these things were huge. 6 feet long. that's 1.83 meters for you metric types. can you even imagine? 6 feet of salamander! and they can live to be 80 years old. that's older than your mother.
i live in fear that somewhere out there, some screenwriter was watching that same show, and thought "DAMN SON, that'd make a fuckawesome horror movie."
GIANT SALAMANDERS FROM HELL. i can see it. can you?